BFN this time, but IPs still seem very optimistic and we're going to try again this month. Currently, I'm on CD 8. I'm heading up to Waterloo with the Hubby on Sunday for my u/s and if all goes well, we'll insem on Monday, a week from today. Sheesh how did the cycle go by so quickly?? The two weeks to my BFN kind of dragged but after that I started doing double takes wondering if it were really possible to be this far into my cycle already.
Hubby and I are making a mini trip of the weekend. We're leaving the Bear with grandparents and got a hotel room for the night so we don't have to drive up and back twice. Thought we'd enjoy a day lounging, maybe read a book and wind down in the hot tub! Not sure if there is much to see and do in the great northeast of Iowa, but we're about to find out. The kid free time will be good for both of us, I'm sure.
I had a mini freakout in our 2ww. Despite my greatest testing knowledge and strongest restraint, I had decided I really needed to POAS at 7 dpo. And it was positive. Very, very faint line, but it was there. No question about it. I floated around on a cloud for a few hours and then it hit me...can trigger shots cause a false positive. Good thing I had google to slap me back to reality. Sure enough, the HCG from the shot stays in your system for 10-15 days and it was most definitely what was causing my too early, too good to be true positive. Oh well -- good thing I hadn't called J&K with the good news just yet. That woulda been a tough oops to recover from.
Hoping the second cycle is our last. Fingers crossed!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Here Goes Nothin
It's about time I really start documenting this journey, as it has officially begun.
Oct. 4, CD8 - I had my initial consulation with the clinic. I brought my charts but the doc basically just said that if I know my cycle, I should tell him when a good time for me to come is, noting that I should plan for about two days in advance of my estimated ovulation day. I <3 working with someone who trusts that I know my body and doesn't try to put everyone into a textbook. The doc was fantastic, the clinic was incredibly accommodating and I would recommend them to anyone. They have never done a surrogacy before but everyone was enthusiastic and excited to be a part of it. I scheduled my next appointment for CD14.
Oct. 10, CD 14 - I came in for an ultrasound. My follicles were just the right length for a trigger, and the technician raved about my thick lining. Spoke to the doctor briefly and he was in disbelief that I had not gotten pregnant sooner despite not being on BC (back to that whole knowing your cycle thing ;) ). He wrote me a prescription and off I went to the parmacy to pick up my shot. I brought it back to the clinic, they did a quick prick in my behind and sent me on my way. Despite that my schedule was a little crazy due to work travel, the staff volunteered to stay after hours to meet with us. Again, super accommodating, super amazing. We scheduled our IUI for the next day at 6.
Oct. 11, CD 15 - IPs arrived about an hour early, and fortunately I got on the road sooner than expected as well. By the time I arrived a smidge after 5, the sperm was already being washed. IM came back to the room with me for the IUI. I think she was a little hesitatant but like I told her, she's going to see me give birth sometime next year -- I hardly think there is anything that's going to happen pre-pregnancy that is more personal than that. We were both glad she could feel a part of the process.
The IUI itself was less scary that I had prepped myself for. It was quick and easy, and the only thing that was uncomfortable was when they unexpectedly shoved the plastic covered sponge in there to hold everything in place. After we were done, I layed on the table for 15 minutes with my pelvis in the air and that was it.
Oct. 14, CD 18 - I had a temp drop on CD 16 followed by a spike on CD 17. Temp stayed high again today. I need tomorrow's temp to confirm, but assuming it stays high, I think we can safely say we were spot on with our timing. I O'd the day after we did our insems. Now I'm all flustered pondering how I will tell J&K if we get a BFP! They are close, but not close enough that we can be together to test unless we wait for a weekend. Despite being able to test as early as Oct. 24 (a Monday), maybe we'll wait til the weekend. In the mean time, I'm just trying to stay occupied and not overanalyze every little twinge and pain.
Here's hoping!
Oct. 4, CD8 - I had my initial consulation with the clinic. I brought my charts but the doc basically just said that if I know my cycle, I should tell him when a good time for me to come is, noting that I should plan for about two days in advance of my estimated ovulation day. I <3 working with someone who trusts that I know my body and doesn't try to put everyone into a textbook. The doc was fantastic, the clinic was incredibly accommodating and I would recommend them to anyone. They have never done a surrogacy before but everyone was enthusiastic and excited to be a part of it. I scheduled my next appointment for CD14.
Oct. 10, CD 14 - I came in for an ultrasound. My follicles were just the right length for a trigger, and the technician raved about my thick lining. Spoke to the doctor briefly and he was in disbelief that I had not gotten pregnant sooner despite not being on BC (back to that whole knowing your cycle thing ;) ). He wrote me a prescription and off I went to the parmacy to pick up my shot. I brought it back to the clinic, they did a quick prick in my behind and sent me on my way. Despite that my schedule was a little crazy due to work travel, the staff volunteered to stay after hours to meet with us. Again, super accommodating, super amazing. We scheduled our IUI for the next day at 6.
Oct. 11, CD 15 - IPs arrived about an hour early, and fortunately I got on the road sooner than expected as well. By the time I arrived a smidge after 5, the sperm was already being washed. IM came back to the room with me for the IUI. I think she was a little hesitatant but like I told her, she's going to see me give birth sometime next year -- I hardly think there is anything that's going to happen pre-pregnancy that is more personal than that. We were both glad she could feel a part of the process.
The IUI itself was less scary that I had prepped myself for. It was quick and easy, and the only thing that was uncomfortable was when they unexpectedly shoved the plastic covered sponge in there to hold everything in place. After we were done, I layed on the table for 15 minutes with my pelvis in the air and that was it.
Oct. 14, CD 18 - I had a temp drop on CD 16 followed by a spike on CD 17. Temp stayed high again today. I need tomorrow's temp to confirm, but assuming it stays high, I think we can safely say we were spot on with our timing. I O'd the day after we did our insems. Now I'm all flustered pondering how I will tell J&K if we get a BFP! They are close, but not close enough that we can be together to test unless we wait for a weekend. Despite being able to test as early as Oct. 24 (a Monday), maybe we'll wait til the weekend. In the mean time, I'm just trying to stay occupied and not overanalyze every little twinge and pain.
Here's hoping!
Monday, October 3, 2011
The Leaves Are Changing
And my journey is moving forward. It took me a little bit to be really sure this is still what I wanted. For a while I was feeling like I didn't really "need" surrogacy in the way that I initially thought I did. I also was feeling discouraged from the results of my last two journeys, and wasn't certain I was up for the challenge anymore. Eventually I concluded that it was true my selfish desire for a natural birth has faded substantially, but my other reasons for wanting to carry for another couple have grown. I feel like maybe things in the past have played out the way they did because I wasn't truly ready. I feel more ready now than ever.
We got our contract finalized over the weekend, and we'll be signing any day now. I have an appointment with our clinic tomorrow, and if everything goes well, we should reasonably expect to be starting insems next week! Can't believe its here already! I know for K&J it has seemed like eternity, but time really has gone quickly for me.
I have about 2 dozen questions for the clinic since I haven't done IUIs before, and I'll report back later this week with the results of my appointment. Unti then, I'm keeping my mind occupied so I don't get too worked up about everything that's coming.
Wish us luck!
We got our contract finalized over the weekend, and we'll be signing any day now. I have an appointment with our clinic tomorrow, and if everything goes well, we should reasonably expect to be starting insems next week! Can't believe its here already! I know for K&J it has seemed like eternity, but time really has gone quickly for me.
I have about 2 dozen questions for the clinic since I haven't done IUIs before, and I'll report back later this week with the results of my appointment. Unti then, I'm keeping my mind occupied so I don't get too worked up about everything that's coming.
Wish us luck!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Is it really August already?
Who knew I'd be in this game for a whole year and find myself still looking for a match? A lot has happened since my last post in April -- we tried a few more times, had a few more BFNs, took another month off followed by somewhat of a falling out that left me in the market for IPs once again.
Determined that this is still something I really want to do, I started poking around the boards again, looking at ads and remembering how much I loathe the matching phase. I sent out a couple of notes to potential IPs and then I thought maybe I should just take a break for a while.
Several days later, an IM I had sent a friend request to responded. I remembered her story from a message board she had posted on and knew they were located within a few hours drive of us...so I thought 'What the heck? We can chat and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.'
But it seems to be working. After a weeks worth of emails we thought why not have dinner. So we did. And it was great. That very night I got an email saying they would love to work with me! Excited but cautious, I responded that I would love to work with them as well, but I don't want to rush things. We're going to take our time getting to know one another just to make sure our match is truly perfect. I'm trying not to get too excited about the prospect of having IPs so close. I love that they will be able to be here for everything, to watch the pregnancy, to enjoy it as parents should be able to enjoy the milestones leading up to the birth of their baby. For now, just baby steps but I do look forward to getting back into blogging and documenting my continued journey.
Determined that this is still something I really want to do, I started poking around the boards again, looking at ads and remembering how much I loathe the matching phase. I sent out a couple of notes to potential IPs and then I thought maybe I should just take a break for a while.
Several days later, an IM I had sent a friend request to responded. I remembered her story from a message board she had posted on and knew they were located within a few hours drive of us...so I thought 'What the heck? We can chat and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.'
But it seems to be working. After a weeks worth of emails we thought why not have dinner. So we did. And it was great. That very night I got an email saying they would love to work with me! Excited but cautious, I responded that I would love to work with them as well, but I don't want to rush things. We're going to take our time getting to know one another just to make sure our match is truly perfect. I'm trying not to get too excited about the prospect of having IPs so close. I love that they will be able to be here for everything, to watch the pregnancy, to enjoy it as parents should be able to enjoy the milestones leading up to the birth of their baby. For now, just baby steps but I do look forward to getting back into blogging and documenting my continued journey.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming
We're still afloat, but decided to take a break in April, hence my lack of posts. Since I last posted, I had a visit with my endocrinologist and learned my prolactin levels are on the high side of normal. He decided to double my meds, and I'll need to be retested in two weeks.
We do plan to try again in May, and we're just hoping the med change doesn't have too much of an impact on my cycle. It shouldn't since the prolactin wasn't too far off and my ovulation has been consistant since AF returned.
Otherwise, it's just life as usual and not much to post about. I'm certain I'll have more to say once there is a little bean growing in my belly.
We do plan to try again in May, and we're just hoping the med change doesn't have too much of an impact on my cycle. It shouldn't since the prolactin wasn't too far off and my ovulation has been consistant since AF returned.
Otherwise, it's just life as usual and not much to post about. I'm certain I'll have more to say once there is a little bean growing in my belly.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
On to Cycle #2
Looks like March wasn't our month. AF appeared yesterday afternoon. We would have been pretty lucky to have been successful on our first try, so while disappointing we're not letting it damper our hopes. We'll try again in a couple weeks.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
10 DPO
And nothing new to report. Tested this morning and it was negative, but AF hasn't made an appearance either so I'm still in good spirits. Might have just been a tad early. If implantation occurred, we think it would have been on Tuesday because I had a temp dip below cover and a smidge of light spotting. Might just be too soon to tell.
Tentatively planning on testing again Saturday. Ugh, they don't call this the 2ww for nothin! It's brutal!
Tentatively planning on testing again Saturday. Ugh, they don't call this the 2ww for nothin! It's brutal!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The Deed Is Done
We did insems 3 days in a row, with the last being the day after my O date. I ended up with two days of positive OPKs, which was unusual. Not sure if that means anything.
Not much more to update than that. I didn't get to spend a lot of time with V&S because I was working a lot. I actually had a work trip pop up during my predicited fertile time so they flew into the QC and the next day we headed to Des Moines separately. We did get to have dinner a couple nights and it was nice to catch up. We hadn't really been talking so much since their last visit -- not because I didn't want to of course, we've just all been very busy with work I think.
I got my BFP with Nora at 10DPO, so I think I'll start testing around that time this go around too -- not likely I'll get a positive any earlier and I don't want to make myself crazy with negatives -- so 8 days til testing! Stay tuned.
Not much more to update than that. I didn't get to spend a lot of time with V&S because I was working a lot. I actually had a work trip pop up during my predicited fertile time so they flew into the QC and the next day we headed to Des Moines separately. We did get to have dinner a couple nights and it was nice to catch up. We hadn't really been talking so much since their last visit -- not because I didn't want to of course, we've just all been very busy with work I think.
I got my BFP with Nora at 10DPO, so I think I'll start testing around that time this go around too -- not likely I'll get a positive any earlier and I don't want to make myself crazy with negatives -- so 8 days til testing! Stay tuned.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Right on Schedule
Thursday, March 10, 2011
CD 17
Not fertile. The ferning test yesterday must have been a fluke because today was definitely negative this morning. I even tested it twice. I know I wasn't seeing things yesterday because I was so amused that it was working, I even made C take a look and he saw it too!
Given the timeframe we're shooting for, this is good news. Hopefully it holds out another day or so.
In other news, I've already run 6 miles this week and I'm planning on running again tomorrow! I wasn't a runner when I was pregnant with the Bear so I'm interested to see whether my body allows me to stick with it once it's working overtime growing a little bun. Obviously in the beginning I'll need to take it easy, but after that, pending all is going well, I should be able to continue running. What I don't know is whether I'll continue to improve or if I'll just kind of be stuck in a rut. If there's anything I remember about my last pregnancy it's that I was so.freakin.tired. and I can't imagine that motivation to run will come easily. My hope is that the running will be energizing rather than exhausting...but we'll see how that goes.
Given the timeframe we're shooting for, this is good news. Hopefully it holds out another day or so.
In other news, I've already run 6 miles this week and I'm planning on running again tomorrow! I wasn't a runner when I was pregnant with the Bear so I'm interested to see whether my body allows me to stick with it once it's working overtime growing a little bun. Obviously in the beginning I'll need to take it easy, but after that, pending all is going well, I should be able to continue running. What I don't know is whether I'll continue to improve or if I'll just kind of be stuck in a rut. If there's anything I remember about my last pregnancy it's that I was so.freakin.tired. and I can't imagine that motivation to run will come easily. My hope is that the running will be energizing rather than exhausting...but we'll see how that goes.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Ferning
My OPKs are still pretty light. Stay tuned!
It seems so surreal that it's almost time!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
My New Morning Ritual
Back to to the bathroom to check my ferning patterns in the saliva and read the OPK.
Record temp and test results.
It's not terribly time consuming, but it makes me giggle at how quickly we form routines.
V&S were the ones who suggested the ferning test. I had never heard of it but after some reading, it appears it's effective and often detects ovulation a few days earlier because you have a mid-point, not just a positive or negative. I also decided to keep up with the OPK strips. I like them for the same reason. I've tried the Clear Blue tests where you get a smiley or a circle, and while easy to read, they don't give you any indication ovulation is coming. With the strips, you can watch the line gradually darken indicating ovulation is likely near.
Today is CD 12. A week from tomorrow, V&S are flying in and we'll have three days to hopefully fertilize an egg, and then it's the dreaded 2WW. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I want so badly for this to just work the first time around so the anticipation and what ifs are all out of the way.
For now, we wait.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Preparing for Pregnancy
I said in my last post that despite my lack of posts, I have still been preparing for pregnancy. So what does getting ready for pregnancy entail?
Charting. Temping every morning at 6 a.m., even when I'd rather snooze my alarm and get an extra 30 minutes of shut eye.
Vitamins. I stand by a good OTC prenatal -- no need for a prescription. During pregnancy, and going into it, you need increased folic acid, vitamins A and D, as well as calcium. I have always had to supplement and plan my diet to keep my iron up, so I also look for a prental with some added iron. Since my leutal phase was lingering on the shorter side of normal, I also started taking B6 at the beginning of my cycle this month to hopefully lengthen it a day or so.
Today is CD 9. Ten days to insems!
Charting. Temping every morning at 6 a.m., even when I'd rather snooze my alarm and get an extra 30 minutes of shut eye.
Vitamins. I stand by a good OTC prenatal -- no need for a prescription. During pregnancy, and going into it, you need increased folic acid, vitamins A and D, as well as calcium. I have always had to supplement and plan my diet to keep my iron up, so I also look for a prental with some added iron. Since my leutal phase was lingering on the shorter side of normal, I also started taking B6 at the beginning of my cycle this month to hopefully lengthen it a day or so. Getting fit. I've been in a good gym routine for about 6 months now. I run 2-3 days a week (currently just about 2 miles per run and I work to increase my time in order to get in a good cardio workout), I do yoga twice a week and I lift weights or do circut training at least twice a week. I feel great and have been working hard to keep my routine so once pregnancy occurs I can continue to be active. I also notice that when I excercise, I eat better because I crave healthier foods.
Belly pics! I'm excited to document this journey, and what better way to start than with a before picture so V&S can watch their baby grow as we go? Plus, I'm pretty proud of how my hard work (see above!) has paid off so here's my last chance to show it off ;)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Getting Ready
Today is cycle day 1 of our first month of trying. Based on my charts, we can expect our first insem to be 19-22 days from now!
My cycles have not been as consistent as they were before my pregnancy with Bear, and they have gotten longer by about a week but they are regular and predictable. I've been charting since October and only my first chart was way off from the others, which is completely normal after not havin a period for two years.
I don't think the reality has completely set in for me yet. I'm ready, it just doesn't seem real that we've reached this point already. I still need to get a couple tests done, I haven't met the potential midwife yet and I need to get my test results sent off to V&S this week. Now that it's settling in that it's really almost time, I guess I need to get the ball rolling!
Here's hoping for first cycle luck!
My cycles have not been as consistent as they were before my pregnancy with Bear, and they have gotten longer by about a week but they are regular and predictable. I've been charting since October and only my first chart was way off from the others, which is completely normal after not havin a period for two years.
I don't think the reality has completely set in for me yet. I'm ready, it just doesn't seem real that we've reached this point already. I still need to get a couple tests done, I haven't met the potential midwife yet and I need to get my test results sent off to V&S this week. Now that it's settling in that it's really almost time, I guess I need to get the ball rolling!
Here's hoping for first cycle luck!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Despite My Lack of Posts...
Things are progressing. A very busy month of work has kept me from writing, but since I last posted, we decided definitively we will be delivering in Iowa, found a lawyer, I had my STD testing done, I found a potential midwife and met my IPs!
We decided on Iowa because I came to learn that Illinois is not a very midwife friendly state. While homebirth is not illegal there, it is illegal for the midwives to deliver babies and they can be, and frequently are, prosecuted as a result. All of the midwives I spoke with indicated that they were much more comfortable delivering in Iowa if it was an option. Further, since it seemed we would be doing a SPA in either state because I'm a TS and not a GS, there really wasn't any benefit to delivering in Illinois. So Iowa it is.
The lawyer we're working with, Pam Walker, is one of two in the state who are known to be well versed in surrogacy. She delivered the first draft of our contract earlier this week. After a few minor adjustments, we anticipate it to be wrapped up in the next week or so.
As expected, STD testing came back normal; though I keep forgetting to go pick up copies of the results to give to my IPs.
The midwife I initially found and loved, has decided to take a break from delivering babies so the search began again. She gave me a list of other midwifes in eastern Iowa and after contacting them all, only one seemed like a viable option. We've spoken on the phone a couple times, and I love her personality. I had wanted to meet her while my IPs were in town so we could all form our opinions together, but she's having a busy birth month and wasn't able to come this weekend. I'm hoping to get to meet her face-to-face in the next few weeks.
Lastly, and most importantly, my IPs are here! Right now. As I write this. They arrived yesterday afternoon and will be here through Sunday evening. We had dinner last night, and (I think!) things went well. Though we're still getting to know one another, C and I feel very comfortable with them and I couldn't be more sure that we made the right choice. If things go according to plan, we still anticipate TTC in early March.
We decided on Iowa because I came to learn that Illinois is not a very midwife friendly state. While homebirth is not illegal there, it is illegal for the midwives to deliver babies and they can be, and frequently are, prosecuted as a result. All of the midwives I spoke with indicated that they were much more comfortable delivering in Iowa if it was an option. Further, since it seemed we would be doing a SPA in either state because I'm a TS and not a GS, there really wasn't any benefit to delivering in Illinois. So Iowa it is.
The lawyer we're working with, Pam Walker, is one of two in the state who are known to be well versed in surrogacy. She delivered the first draft of our contract earlier this week. After a few minor adjustments, we anticipate it to be wrapped up in the next week or so.
As expected, STD testing came back normal; though I keep forgetting to go pick up copies of the results to give to my IPs.
The midwife I initially found and loved, has decided to take a break from delivering babies so the search began again. She gave me a list of other midwifes in eastern Iowa and after contacting them all, only one seemed like a viable option. We've spoken on the phone a couple times, and I love her personality. I had wanted to meet her while my IPs were in town so we could all form our opinions together, but she's having a busy birth month and wasn't able to come this weekend. I'm hoping to get to meet her face-to-face in the next few weeks.
Lastly, and most importantly, my IPs are here! Right now. As I write this. They arrived yesterday afternoon and will be here through Sunday evening. We had dinner last night, and (I think!) things went well. Though we're still getting to know one another, C and I feel very comfortable with them and I couldn't be more sure that we made the right choice. If things go according to plan, we still anticipate TTC in early March.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Why Home?
If someone had asked me three years ago whether I was having a home birth or hospital birth, I probably would have called them looney toons and asked why they assumed I was a hippie. In fact, when I was pregnant with Bear and C panicked when I told him I wanted to use a midwife because he thought MW=home birth, I laughed at him and said, "definitely not -- I would never do that!" I had never known anyone to birth at home, and it never even crossed my mind that this was a reasonable option -- of course this is true of several other parenting decisions we've made like extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing and child-led weaning (hey, maybe I am a little crunchy after all?).
The further into my pregnancy I got, the more I began to open up to the idea, but because I had a fabulous group of hospital midwives it seemed silly to consider switching. C was more comfortable with a hospital birth, and lets face it, we were nervous nelly's as first-time parents.
When it came time to have Bear, my midwives let me down. What I learned from the whole deal is that while hospital midwives have great intentions to bringing birth back to a woman-centered, natural experience, they operate under the radar of obstetricians, and ultimately, are very medically minded just like an OB. Because they aren't doctors, they don't call the shots in the hospital and they really don't push back much. Looking back, while I liked my midwives very much, their model of care was not in line with the midwifery model of care at all.
In coping with my birth disappointment, I found my biggest frustrations stemmed from the fact that no one ever asked me what I wanted. I was never given any options or told that there was a possibility my baby was fine. I was treated as if I had a condition, rather than being offered suggestions for helping increase the fluid levels or getting a second opinion. When it came down to it, all the things I felt were missing were present in the midwifery model of care practiced by home birth midwives.
The stereotypes lead people to believe the practice is unsafe and barbaric. It may be barbaric, but it works and statistically home birth is just as safe, if not safer, for low-risk pregnancies. Childbirth is a natural, normal process. Women who birth at home have less complications and fewer instances of stalled labor. While I understand why home birth isn't for everyone, I also believe more women would choose it if they had unbiased facts and the resources to do so.
In surrogacy this presents an interesting dynamic, but overall I think home birth is a great option because it allows the IPs and surro privacy and a more intimate experience with people who know and understand their situation. At home, IPs may get to be more involved than they would in a crowded hospital room. Everyone can have their own space without wondering what's happening, they can spread out and relax and still be within ears reach. Spouses don't feel out of place or in the way because it is their own home.
One of the first resources I recommended to potential IPs who were unfamiliar with home birth was The Business of Being Born. It's a documentary produced by Ricki Lake of all people, but I think it sheds a positive light on home birth while acknowledging that some situations still warrant the care of an OB. Its great for introducing newbies to the idea and gently drawing them in.
The burning question hesitant parents always ask is "is it safe?", and it is. While there are plenty of benefits to be boasted from having more direct one-on-one care and being in a place you feel safe and unjudged, it really comes down to interventions. Too often pregnancy interventions are done prematurely. One intervention leads to the next, and if there's anything we know about childbirth it's that baby will come when s/he is ready. These statistics are from one of the best known and most credible studies on home birth. What I love most about them is down at the bottom where it says only 1.7% of home birth mother would choose another type of care for subsequent pregnancies. It may be a small percentage of us who do it, but those who do are happy with their decision. What I wouldn't give to have not had to learn to forgive myself for the way my daughter was brought into this world. Home birth isn't the only option, but it certainly is one worth researching.
Find a midwife. None in your area? Don't worry, they still exist they are just harder to find. Try asking a Le Leche League leader, checking your local ICAN group, find your tribe on mothering.com or ask doulas in your area if they have any recommendations.
Midwife model of care
Can I have a home birth?
Ina May on why home birth is necessary.
Birthing From Within - this book was my bible during pregnancy and as I prepared for my cesarean.
Natural childbirth tips from Mothers Naturally
Happy Birthing!
The further into my pregnancy I got, the more I began to open up to the idea, but because I had a fabulous group of hospital midwives it seemed silly to consider switching. C was more comfortable with a hospital birth, and lets face it, we were nervous nelly's as first-time parents.
When it came time to have Bear, my midwives let me down. What I learned from the whole deal is that while hospital midwives have great intentions to bringing birth back to a woman-centered, natural experience, they operate under the radar of obstetricians, and ultimately, are very medically minded just like an OB. Because they aren't doctors, they don't call the shots in the hospital and they really don't push back much. Looking back, while I liked my midwives very much, their model of care was not in line with the midwifery model of care at all.
In coping with my birth disappointment, I found my biggest frustrations stemmed from the fact that no one ever asked me what I wanted. I was never given any options or told that there was a possibility my baby was fine. I was treated as if I had a condition, rather than being offered suggestions for helping increase the fluid levels or getting a second opinion. When it came down to it, all the things I felt were missing were present in the midwifery model of care practiced by home birth midwives.
The stereotypes lead people to believe the practice is unsafe and barbaric. It may be barbaric, but it works and statistically home birth is just as safe, if not safer, for low-risk pregnancies. Childbirth is a natural, normal process. Women who birth at home have less complications and fewer instances of stalled labor. While I understand why home birth isn't for everyone, I also believe more women would choose it if they had unbiased facts and the resources to do so.
In surrogacy this presents an interesting dynamic, but overall I think home birth is a great option because it allows the IPs and surro privacy and a more intimate experience with people who know and understand their situation. At home, IPs may get to be more involved than they would in a crowded hospital room. Everyone can have their own space without wondering what's happening, they can spread out and relax and still be within ears reach. Spouses don't feel out of place or in the way because it is their own home.
One of the first resources I recommended to potential IPs who were unfamiliar with home birth was The Business of Being Born. It's a documentary produced by Ricki Lake of all people, but I think it sheds a positive light on home birth while acknowledging that some situations still warrant the care of an OB. Its great for introducing newbies to the idea and gently drawing them in.
The burning question hesitant parents always ask is "is it safe?", and it is. While there are plenty of benefits to be boasted from having more direct one-on-one care and being in a place you feel safe and unjudged, it really comes down to interventions. Too often pregnancy interventions are done prematurely. One intervention leads to the next, and if there's anything we know about childbirth it's that baby will come when s/he is ready. These statistics are from one of the best known and most credible studies on home birth. What I love most about them is down at the bottom where it says only 1.7% of home birth mother would choose another type of care for subsequent pregnancies. It may be a small percentage of us who do it, but those who do are happy with their decision. What I wouldn't give to have not had to learn to forgive myself for the way my daughter was brought into this world. Home birth isn't the only option, but it certainly is one worth researching.
Find a midwife. None in your area? Don't worry, they still exist they are just harder to find. Try asking a Le Leche League leader, checking your local ICAN group, find your tribe on mothering.com or ask doulas in your area if they have any recommendations.
Other great home birth resources:
6 myths about home birth exposedMidwife model of care
Can I have a home birth?
Ina May on why home birth is necessary.
Birthing From Within - this book was my bible during pregnancy and as I prepared for my cesarean.
Natural childbirth tips from Mothers Naturally
Happy Birthing!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
A New Chapter
I'm not sure I can -- or care to -- recap everything that's happened over the course of my journey since I last posted. It's a new day, a new year, and I just want to start fresh documenting this new journey I'm embarking on.
Meet V&S. My new IPs! That's right, I'm matched again and couldn't imagine a more perfect couple to start over with.
We first began talking in early November. I had almost decided to match with another couple who was in Chicago, just a few short hours drive, when V insisted I at least meet them before making my decision. With them in California and being only a week before Christmas, flying to meet one another wasn't an option so we met by webcam instead. It was the two of them and C and I, plus Bear who only stayed awake long enough to say hello before promptly falling asleep on our laps while we were chatting.
By the time our conversation had ended, I already knew which couple I was going to choose, and I was fairly certain they were smitten with C, which I know can be a deciding factor for some -- the relationship with their surro is important, but they also have to be comfortable with her family. C and I talked and decided, just to be sure we were being completely rational and not sitting with our heads in the clouds we would sleep on it until after Christmas and, if we still felt the same at that time, we would let them know of our decision.
Well we still felt the same and I eagerly called them on Dec. 27 to let them know I'd love to carry for them if they'd have me. They graciously accepted, some tears were shed and we began making plans to put a contract in place.
V&S will be coming to Iowa to visit the first weekend in February, and -- assuming all goes well -- we'd like to start TTC later that month. The first visit will give them a chance to know us in real life, see how we live and what type of environment their baby will be gestating in, as well as an opportunity to meet our midwife and doula. We also agreed that having already met in person will take some of the pressure off because we won't be stressing about trying to get pregnant the first time we meet.
All in all they are a genuine, sweet, compassionate couple, and I'm so glad I didn't let location deter me from matching with them. They are cultured, well educated, and posses a lot of other characteristics that I value. They will provide a great home to raise a family in, and I'm so excited to be able to help them do just that.
We first began talking in early November. I had almost decided to match with another couple who was in Chicago, just a few short hours drive, when V insisted I at least meet them before making my decision. With them in California and being only a week before Christmas, flying to meet one another wasn't an option so we met by webcam instead. It was the two of them and C and I, plus Bear who only stayed awake long enough to say hello before promptly falling asleep on our laps while we were chatting.
By the time our conversation had ended, I already knew which couple I was going to choose, and I was fairly certain they were smitten with C, which I know can be a deciding factor for some -- the relationship with their surro is important, but they also have to be comfortable with her family. C and I talked and decided, just to be sure we were being completely rational and not sitting with our heads in the clouds we would sleep on it until after Christmas and, if we still felt the same at that time, we would let them know of our decision.
Well we still felt the same and I eagerly called them on Dec. 27 to let them know I'd love to carry for them if they'd have me. They graciously accepted, some tears were shed and we began making plans to put a contract in place.
V&S will be coming to Iowa to visit the first weekend in February, and -- assuming all goes well -- we'd like to start TTC later that month. The first visit will give them a chance to know us in real life, see how we live and what type of environment their baby will be gestating in, as well as an opportunity to meet our midwife and doula. We also agreed that having already met in person will take some of the pressure off because we won't be stressing about trying to get pregnant the first time we meet.
All in all they are a genuine, sweet, compassionate couple, and I'm so glad I didn't let location deter me from matching with them. They are cultured, well educated, and posses a lot of other characteristics that I value. They will provide a great home to raise a family in, and I'm so excited to be able to help them do just that.
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