Who knew I'd be in this game for a whole year and find myself still looking for a match? A lot has happened since my last post in April -- we tried a few more times, had a few more BFNs, took another month off followed by somewhat of a falling out that left me in the market for IPs once again.
Determined that this is still something I really want to do, I started poking around the boards again, looking at ads and remembering how much I loathe the matching phase. I sent out a couple of notes to potential IPs and then I thought maybe I should just take a break for a while.
Several days later, an IM I had sent a friend request to responded. I remembered her story from a message board she had posted on and knew they were located within a few hours drive of us...so I thought 'What the heck? We can chat and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.'
But it seems to be working. After a weeks worth of emails we thought why not have dinner. So we did. And it was great. That very night I got an email saying they would love to work with me! Excited but cautious, I responded that I would love to work with them as well, but I don't want to rush things. We're going to take our time getting to know one another just to make sure our match is truly perfect. I'm trying not to get too excited about the prospect of having IPs so close. I love that they will be able to be here for everything, to watch the pregnancy, to enjoy it as parents should be able to enjoy the milestones leading up to the birth of their baby. For now, just baby steps but I do look forward to getting back into blogging and documenting my continued journey.
Showing posts with label meeting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meeting. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Despite My Lack of Posts...
Things are progressing. A very busy month of work has kept me from writing, but since I last posted, we decided definitively we will be delivering in Iowa, found a lawyer, I had my STD testing done, I found a potential midwife and met my IPs!
We decided on Iowa because I came to learn that Illinois is not a very midwife friendly state. While homebirth is not illegal there, it is illegal for the midwives to deliver babies and they can be, and frequently are, prosecuted as a result. All of the midwives I spoke with indicated that they were much more comfortable delivering in Iowa if it was an option. Further, since it seemed we would be doing a SPA in either state because I'm a TS and not a GS, there really wasn't any benefit to delivering in Illinois. So Iowa it is.
The lawyer we're working with, Pam Walker, is one of two in the state who are known to be well versed in surrogacy. She delivered the first draft of our contract earlier this week. After a few minor adjustments, we anticipate it to be wrapped up in the next week or so.
As expected, STD testing came back normal; though I keep forgetting to go pick up copies of the results to give to my IPs.
The midwife I initially found and loved, has decided to take a break from delivering babies so the search began again. She gave me a list of other midwifes in eastern Iowa and after contacting them all, only one seemed like a viable option. We've spoken on the phone a couple times, and I love her personality. I had wanted to meet her while my IPs were in town so we could all form our opinions together, but she's having a busy birth month and wasn't able to come this weekend. I'm hoping to get to meet her face-to-face in the next few weeks.
Lastly, and most importantly, my IPs are here! Right now. As I write this. They arrived yesterday afternoon and will be here through Sunday evening. We had dinner last night, and (I think!) things went well. Though we're still getting to know one another, C and I feel very comfortable with them and I couldn't be more sure that we made the right choice. If things go according to plan, we still anticipate TTC in early March.
We decided on Iowa because I came to learn that Illinois is not a very midwife friendly state. While homebirth is not illegal there, it is illegal for the midwives to deliver babies and they can be, and frequently are, prosecuted as a result. All of the midwives I spoke with indicated that they were much more comfortable delivering in Iowa if it was an option. Further, since it seemed we would be doing a SPA in either state because I'm a TS and not a GS, there really wasn't any benefit to delivering in Illinois. So Iowa it is.
The lawyer we're working with, Pam Walker, is one of two in the state who are known to be well versed in surrogacy. She delivered the first draft of our contract earlier this week. After a few minor adjustments, we anticipate it to be wrapped up in the next week or so.
As expected, STD testing came back normal; though I keep forgetting to go pick up copies of the results to give to my IPs.
The midwife I initially found and loved, has decided to take a break from delivering babies so the search began again. She gave me a list of other midwifes in eastern Iowa and after contacting them all, only one seemed like a viable option. We've spoken on the phone a couple times, and I love her personality. I had wanted to meet her while my IPs were in town so we could all form our opinions together, but she's having a busy birth month and wasn't able to come this weekend. I'm hoping to get to meet her face-to-face in the next few weeks.
Lastly, and most importantly, my IPs are here! Right now. As I write this. They arrived yesterday afternoon and will be here through Sunday evening. We had dinner last night, and (I think!) things went well. Though we're still getting to know one another, C and I feel very comfortable with them and I couldn't be more sure that we made the right choice. If things go according to plan, we still anticipate TTC in early March.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saying Farewell: NYC Part 2
But it wasn't really a farewell at all, more like a see you soon. We were having lunch the day of my departure. I had just taken a large bite of NY-style pizza when I heard the words, "We want you to be our surrogate." Speechless. I'm fairly certain they must have thought I wasn't even excited because I quite literally said nothing. I finished chewing and smiled. That was it. There were truly no words to describe this feeling. All I could think was that this was it, and this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I don't really remember what I eventually said, only that it took me a while to think of anything.
Of course I want to talk to the Hubby and go over everything. I need to know he's really OK with this, and my IPs feel the same. We are one conversation away from matching. But first, a night dedicated to snuggles with my princess.
Of course I want to talk to the Hubby and go over everything. I need to know he's really OK with this, and my IPs feel the same. We are one conversation away from matching. But first, a night dedicated to snuggles with my princess.
Hello New York
The good thing about this trip coming up so quickly was that there was no time to get anxious, excited, nervous or otherwise try to talk myself out of meeting strangers in a huge city alone. One weekend, day of vacation, day in the office and 3 hours in two airplanes later I was landing in NYC.
I had a few hours of work to do, then I would be off to meet them for dinner. It wasn't until I was standing out front of the restaurant waiting for them to arrive that it hit me. I still wasn't having doubts that this was something I wanted to do, and I really didn't feel like not liking them was even a possibility. In our short two week courtship I had shared more about myself with them than I had with anyone in who knows how long. What I was worrying about was what if they don't like me? They have been searching a long time -- why hadn't anyone else made the cut? What had other potential surros done that made them realize they weren't right for them?
I recognized them immediately when I saw them. I don't know why, I had only seen maybe a dozen pictures but I just knew it was them. They seemed surprised to see me there, which I later found out was because I was at the wrong restaurant :) Who puts two of the same restaurant within two blocks of one another? We walked a block to the right place, had dinner (which was amazing, BTW), and then headed out to see the city. The whole thing was really surreal. I kept thinking that I just couldn't believe I was really there, that I had really met them, that we had really only found each other a couple weeks ago.
We talked like old friends with plenty of great conversation and silences that didn't feel awkward to me. We talked about our pasts, presents and futures. I found myself frequently thinking why couldn't we meet friends like this at home. In my experience finding people you really connect with is rare -- yet I had found this couple after only a week of looking for IPs. This truly was a couple I could see us becoming close with even if we had met under different circumstances; and that is exactly what I felt I needed in IPs.
We spent two fabulous days seeing the city. What I loved the most is that they weren't just trying to get to know me and figure out if I would be a good surrogate, they really let me into their lives too. They showed me places that were special to them and shared the memories they had at each. I also loved not only how compatible I felt with them, but how obviously compatible and in love they are with each other. The journey for a baby can be straining on a relationship -- I've seen friends go through it and it's heart wrenching -- but this couple seemed to only be brought closer together, and despite their long wait they weren't discouraged or impatient, just certain that it would happen for them when the time was right.
I went to sleep each night feeling certain this was it. This was the couple I was going to carry a baby for, and I had known it from the start -- but now, more certain than ever, I couldn't wait to get home and tell the Hubby all about them. Concerned about how he would feel about how quickly everything was moving, I didn't want to have this conversation over the phone. I had a half a day left in the city and couldn't wait to enjoy it.
I had a few hours of work to do, then I would be off to meet them for dinner. It wasn't until I was standing out front of the restaurant waiting for them to arrive that it hit me. I still wasn't having doubts that this was something I wanted to do, and I really didn't feel like not liking them was even a possibility. In our short two week courtship I had shared more about myself with them than I had with anyone in who knows how long. What I was worrying about was what if they don't like me? They have been searching a long time -- why hadn't anyone else made the cut? What had other potential surros done that made them realize they weren't right for them?
I recognized them immediately when I saw them. I don't know why, I had only seen maybe a dozen pictures but I just knew it was them. They seemed surprised to see me there, which I later found out was because I was at the wrong restaurant :) Who puts two of the same restaurant within two blocks of one another? We walked a block to the right place, had dinner (which was amazing, BTW), and then headed out to see the city. The whole thing was really surreal. I kept thinking that I just couldn't believe I was really there, that I had really met them, that we had really only found each other a couple weeks ago.
We talked like old friends with plenty of great conversation and silences that didn't feel awkward to me. We talked about our pasts, presents and futures. I found myself frequently thinking why couldn't we meet friends like this at home. In my experience finding people you really connect with is rare -- yet I had found this couple after only a week of looking for IPs. This truly was a couple I could see us becoming close with even if we had met under different circumstances; and that is exactly what I felt I needed in IPs.
We spent two fabulous days seeing the city. What I loved the most is that they weren't just trying to get to know me and figure out if I would be a good surrogate, they really let me into their lives too. They showed me places that were special to them and shared the memories they had at each. I also loved not only how compatible I felt with them, but how obviously compatible and in love they are with each other. The journey for a baby can be straining on a relationship -- I've seen friends go through it and it's heart wrenching -- but this couple seemed to only be brought closer together, and despite their long wait they weren't discouraged or impatient, just certain that it would happen for them when the time was right.
I went to sleep each night feeling certain this was it. This was the couple I was going to carry a baby for, and I had known it from the start -- but now, more certain than ever, I couldn't wait to get home and tell the Hubby all about them. Concerned about how he would feel about how quickly everything was moving, I didn't want to have this conversation over the phone. I had a half a day left in the city and couldn't wait to enjoy it.
Friday, August 27, 2010
An Unexpected Turn
I'm taking a business trip to my PIPs town...next week. I debated even telling them because it just seems so -- staged. And a little creepy. On the other hand, I don't believe in coincidences and I really feel like this was meant to happen. Meeting face to face is such a huge step, but at the same time, it could avoid months of talking and building hope if we don't both end up feeling like we could match.
So I told them, and they're ecstatic. It just feels like so much is falling into place.
We talked on the phone again today. It was much less chaotic given the absence of the Kid. It's so strange how you can meet a perfect stranger who you feel comfortable enough to have open, deep conversations like you've known them for years. This was that kind of conversation. How come we can't find friends here like that?
So I told them, and they're ecstatic. It just feels like so much is falling into place.
We talked on the phone again today. It was much less chaotic given the absence of the Kid. It's so strange how you can meet a perfect stranger who you feel comfortable enough to have open, deep conversations like you've known them for years. This was that kind of conversation. How come we can't find friends here like that?
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