Irony

In my last post, I seem to remember saying "barring any funny business, there isn't much they can do, say or suggest that will send me running." I guess I was wrong.

Yesterday, an e-mail came through from IF saying they didn't feel they were going to be financially prepared within the time frame we had decided on. I know surrogacy doesn't always go as planned, but the thing is that we weren't planning to start until February. Having met them in August, I was certain planning so far out would allow ample time to get our preliminary hoops jumped and leave plenty of padding in case things didn't go as planned. The indication was that starting in late spring or early summer would be better for them. As much as I adore this couple, I just felt I couldn't commit to a journey so far in advance -- so much can change in six months, not to mention there could be further delays, and I just don't want to spend that much time growing more and more attached only to potentially never begin our journey.

We've talked since and their aren't any hard feelings; we're both just aching because we want this to work so badly. They simply don't feel comfortable that any and all what-ifs could be covered, and while all of my fees have been negotiable, the one area  I can't compromise is on the unexpected.

As much as I dread starting over, I want so badly to do this and I think it's still possible to make it happen on my February time line. If, by chance, we're both still waiting, I'd still LOVE the opportunity to work with R&I but at this point it seems we're going our separate ways.

I put an ad back up on SMO and reactivated my profile on a few other surrogacy sites. I've been browsing but thus far everyone seems...not good enough in comparison. I also applied to an agency -- Surrogacy Dreams -- as a TS, and they indicated they will be contacting me within 48 hours.

Until next time.

Moving Right Along

Shortly after my conversation with the agency, I received an e-mail detailing everything they would need from me.

• Signed physician's letter clearing me for pregnancy
• Records release form so they can contact providers directly if they need more info
• Permission to run a background check
• List of contact information for providers and facilities who cared for me during and after my pregnancy
• Records from all of my providers, including MRIs for my prolactinoma
• A complete booklet of my health care policy and it's exclusions
• Certificate of coverage
• Photo of myself and my family

Boy have I had a lot of care providers. We move too much I think. In the past 5 years, we moved from our hometown to my college town to the nearby big city to a suburb of the big city and back to our hometown again. This left me with two OB/GYNs, a midwife, two endocrinologists, a hospital and a surgeon on my list of providers. That's a lot of records to gather.

Gradually over the last week, I've been faxing requests for them to turn my records over to the agency. I've requested each call me to acknowledge receipt of my fax and confirm it is being processed. Thus far, I've not heard from a single one.

I did get in touch with my insurance agency to clarify an exclusion that stated "surrogate parenting." That's all it said, nothing more. After holding for 18 minutes, the rep at last returned to inform me that it means they will not cover the IVF procedures. My prenatal and maternity care will be covered as normal. That was a relief.

Additionally, she was able to process my certificate of coverage request and I should be receiving it in the mail any day.

I have a feeling a lot of waiting is going to be involved, especially in the early stages.

Off to wait.

Rejection

I had a couple of concerns over my eligibility that I wanted to know definitively if they would be dealbreakers before I exerted too much time and energy into filling out applications and pulling medical records.

The first concern was the early arrival of my daughter. She was born at 36 weeks gestation, which is technically not full term. One of the requirements for surrogacy is that the candidate have had normal, healthy pregnancies. Since my daughter turned out to be healthy -- did I mention that the technician's estimates were wrong and my daughter was born weighing a normal-for-her-gestation 5lbs 3oz, nearly a pound more than predicted? -- all of the agencies assured me it would not be a concern unless my medical records indicated complications.

Concern number two was a hormone condition called prolactinoma. It is caused by a tumor on the pituitary gland that exerts pressure causing excess production of prolactin, the hormone that regulates milk production. I won't go to great lengths to explain my diagnosis, but in short in order to get pregnant with my daughter I had to take medication to regulate the prolactin so my body would menstruate again and enable pregnancy to occur. Essentially, the elevated levels caused my body to incorrectly believe I was already pregnant or nursing, which often inhibits pregnancy. I was afraid the condition may be seen as a hurdle for IVF and make me ineligible.

I spoke to several agencies by phone and e-mail and if there was one consistency, it was the attitude of everyone I talked to. They were SO wonderful. Every.Last.One.

The first agency turned me down right away, stating their RE wouldn't work with someone with my "condition". When I prodded for additional details, they were unable to give me answers. Another agency said they needed more info. A third directed me to their website to fill out an application. At that point I was frustrated and decided to just start applying.

When you get to this step, make sure you have some time on your hands -- surrogacy applications are llloooooonnnnnnnggggggg. Of the three I applied to, one turned me away because my husband had an OWI when he was 23, one still hasn't responded and one called me to ask some additional questions, none of which had to do with my prolactinoma. When I questioned her about it, she said "oh, it's no problem!"

::blink, blink:: What? Really?

She indicated they would need some medical records to confirm that it was in fact small and under control, plus a physicians letter to clear me for pregnancy but that she didn't anticipate any issues.

Woo hoo! I'm not accepted yet, but it's progress!