Irony

In my last post, I seem to remember saying "barring any funny business, there isn't much they can do, say or suggest that will send me running." I guess I was wrong.

Yesterday, an e-mail came through from IF saying they didn't feel they were going to be financially prepared within the time frame we had decided on. I know surrogacy doesn't always go as planned, but the thing is that we weren't planning to start until February. Having met them in August, I was certain planning so far out would allow ample time to get our preliminary hoops jumped and leave plenty of padding in case things didn't go as planned. The indication was that starting in late spring or early summer would be better for them. As much as I adore this couple, I just felt I couldn't commit to a journey so far in advance -- so much can change in six months, not to mention there could be further delays, and I just don't want to spend that much time growing more and more attached only to potentially never begin our journey.

We've talked since and their aren't any hard feelings; we're both just aching because we want this to work so badly. They simply don't feel comfortable that any and all what-ifs could be covered, and while all of my fees have been negotiable, the one area  I can't compromise is on the unexpected.

As much as I dread starting over, I want so badly to do this and I think it's still possible to make it happen on my February time line. If, by chance, we're both still waiting, I'd still LOVE the opportunity to work with R&I but at this point it seems we're going our separate ways.

I put an ad back up on SMO and reactivated my profile on a few other surrogacy sites. I've been browsing but thus far everyone seems...not good enough in comparison. I also applied to an agency -- Surrogacy Dreams -- as a TS, and they indicated they will be contacting me within 48 hours.

Until next time.

So Much Happening

After a long courtship, we're starting to get into details about our contract. I know that traditionally this is something people discuss right up front so there are no surprises, but this couple is so perfect for me and I already have my heart set on giving them a baby so at this point, barring any funny business, there isn't much they can do, say or suggest that will send me running.

We're already planning evaluations and I'm charting my cycles, and we haven't even set a comp yet. I think in the eyes of most surros this would officially make me a loon! We're still planning psych evaluations next month so my hope is we will have the contract mostly tied down by that point. In all honestly, my concerns are really more with having birth options than with monetary compensation.

Speaking of charting, I started tracking my temperatures last week and my IPs had me go get some OPKs. I did the first one today on CD9 and will continue to take one a day until I get a positive. My best guess tells me it will be right around Oct. 23.

Also this week we found a clinic who is willing to work with us! They are in Waterloo, Iowa, which is closer than Chicago. They have never done a surrogacy but said they didn't have any concerns about it, nor that my IPs are a same-sex couple. It sounds like we may try to meet with them when my IPs visit next month. Between that and getting out psych evals done, it will be a quick and busy trip but I think we will all feel like a lot was accomplished once we have those two things out of the way. At that point we'll just be back to waiting.

I have so much more to say, but it's 4:58 on Friday and I need to get home to the hubby who turns 30 tomorrow! Things are starting to feel more like a reality!

Better News

The endocrinologist called yesterday to update me on what he'd found in his research. HE SAID HE'D CLEAR ME! As soon as we find a clinic he will write a letter to clear me for surrogacy and send it directly to the clinic. I don't even have to wait for my next appointment in January! This is great news, 1) for a peace of mind and 2) because that means we can move forward with our psych evaluation next month and my IPs will still be coming to visit!

He did reiterate that he can't say that I'm a "no-risk" candidate (is anyone?) but that he will consider me low-risk which means any clinic should be willing to work with me.

I got my blood work done yesterday; we should see results in a week or so. I also picked up an ovulation predictor kit, and have begun charting my basil body temp each morning. I have a feeling things are going to move quickly from here!

The News

I didn't think my day was really deserving of a "good news" or "bad news" title... disappointing, but not a show stopper.

Beginning with the good, I was greeted by Aunt Flo this a.m. which means I ovulated! This is great news, and good progress I think.

Then I went to my appointment with the endocrinologist. Without seeing any recent blood work, he couldn't really comment on much but he did a checkup. We discussed surrogacy, but he was not familiar with the standards for pregnancy clearance. He said his gut feeling was that he would have a hard time recommending me as a "great" candidate because my condition can hinder fertility. Obviously, I know this. I asked if it mattered that with my past pregnancies I always got pregnant on the first try -- while on prolactin suppressants but on the first try never-the-less. He indidcated that would be a consideration but that he needed to speak to his colleagues before he could give me an answer on how many regular cycles I would need before he'd be willing to write the recommendation.

Then he suggested I come back in 3 months... when I began to protest, he simply said he was really busy and I'd be lucky to get in that soon. So I left it at that.

I shared the news with my IF, and we concluded that the best way to overcome this is by going to an OB for clearance. I'm going to start charting again so that by the time I meet with the OB I can take proof that I am in fact ovulating and that really, nothing is preventing me from achieving pregnancy. Crossing my fingers that does it. Appointment scheduled for Nov. 10.

And now we wait some more.

Birth Options Do Exist Here

I was beginning to feel discouraged in the lack of support for natural birth in my area. Then Linda reached out. She has been a doula here for 20 years and seemingly knows every baby-delivering person in a 100 mile radius. I had contacted her to see if she had any recommendations for providers who were NB-friendly, and further any outlook on which Illinois hospital was more successful with birth and VBAC rates.

After a couple e-mail exchanges, she said she did have some good suggestions for me and offered to meet me at my house. We spent 2 hours talking about how she got interested in child birth, our common interest and most importantly my impending pregnancy, labor and birth. After talking to her, I'm more certain than ever that I want to give birth in a non-hospital setting. I really feel that anything else would be setting me up for a disappointing experience. More than just wanting to have a NB, I don't want to spend my labor defending my decision. I want to be able to focus on the baby and creating the best experience possible for my IPs.

Linda did such a great job of explaining her role, and why she is so valuable not only to just the mama, but also the IPs and my hubby. Home or hospital, I had decided before she walked out the door that I want to hire her for my labor and delivery. She was a wealth of information, and when I explained needing to deliver in Illinois she even offered her home for me to give birth in if needed. Additionally, she volunteered to meet with me again when my IPs come to visit next month.

Prior to my first birth, I would have never considered home birth. I thought the idea was crazy, unsafe and only for hippies. I 100% understand why my IPs feel uneasy about it. I don't want to seem pushy or talk them into something they don't want to do, but I do want to give them the facts so that they can make an educated decision. If they choose hospital, I will respect their decision and we will make it work. It just might take a little more preparation and effort.

In the meantime, I have some calling to do. It seems that if home birth is an option for us, there is only one midwife who can do it and she fills up very quickly. She lives and hour and a half away, and Linda said if I want in with her I have to call now. At this point, I'm not even going to think about what we'll do if she says no.