Despite My Lack of Posts...

Things are progressing. A very busy month of work has kept me from writing, but since I last posted, we decided definitively we will be delivering in Iowa, found a lawyer, I had my STD testing done, I found a potential midwife and met my IPs!

We decided on Iowa because I came to learn that Illinois is not a very midwife friendly state. While homebirth is not illegal there, it is illegal for the midwives to deliver babies and they can be, and frequently are, prosecuted as a result. All of the midwives I spoke with indicated that they were much more comfortable delivering in Iowa if it was an option. Further, since it seemed we would be doing a SPA in either state because I'm a TS and not a GS, there really wasn't any benefit to delivering in Illinois. So Iowa it is.

The lawyer we're working with, Pam Walker, is one of two in the state who are known to be well versed in surrogacy. She delivered the first draft of our contract earlier this week. After a few minor adjustments, we anticipate it to be wrapped up in the next week or so.

As expected, STD testing came back normal; though I keep forgetting to go pick up copies of the results to give to my IPs.

The midwife I initially found and loved, has decided to take a break from delivering babies so the search began again. She gave me a list of other midwifes in eastern Iowa and after contacting them all, only one seemed like a viable option. We've spoken on the phone a couple times, and I love her personality. I had wanted to meet her while my IPs were in town so we could all form our opinions together, but she's having a busy birth month and wasn't able to come this weekend. I'm hoping to get to meet her face-to-face in the next few weeks.

Lastly, and most importantly, my IPs are here! Right now. As I write this. They arrived yesterday afternoon and will be here through Sunday evening. We had dinner last night, and (I think!) things went well. Though we're still getting to know one another, C and I feel very comfortable with them and I couldn't be more sure that we made the right choice. If things go according to plan, we still anticipate TTC in early March.

So Much Happening

After a long courtship, we're starting to get into details about our contract. I know that traditionally this is something people discuss right up front so there are no surprises, but this couple is so perfect for me and I already have my heart set on giving them a baby so at this point, barring any funny business, there isn't much they can do, say or suggest that will send me running.

We're already planning evaluations and I'm charting my cycles, and we haven't even set a comp yet. I think in the eyes of most surros this would officially make me a loon! We're still planning psych evaluations next month so my hope is we will have the contract mostly tied down by that point. In all honestly, my concerns are really more with having birth options than with monetary compensation.

Speaking of charting, I started tracking my temperatures last week and my IPs had me go get some OPKs. I did the first one today on CD9 and will continue to take one a day until I get a positive. My best guess tells me it will be right around Oct. 23.

Also this week we found a clinic who is willing to work with us! They are in Waterloo, Iowa, which is closer than Chicago. They have never done a surrogacy but said they didn't have any concerns about it, nor that my IPs are a same-sex couple. It sounds like we may try to meet with them when my IPs visit next month. Between that and getting out psych evals done, it will be a quick and busy trip but I think we will all feel like a lot was accomplished once we have those two things out of the way. At that point we'll just be back to waiting.

I have so much more to say, but it's 4:58 on Friday and I need to get home to the hubby who turns 30 tomorrow! Things are starting to feel more like a reality!

A Match Made in... Iowa?

Surrogacy laws vary by state. Illinois is one of three states with great surrogacy laws that recognize surrogate contracts and make it very easy for IPs to obtain a pre-birth order, which gives them parental rights from birth without having to adopt their own child. The catch? The law only protects gestational surrogacy. Not only is it harder to find a lawyer to represent a TS and get a PBO, we're also learning that many clinics won't do IUIs for TS journeys.

Iowa does not have any laws regarding surrogacy, thus it is not protected nor disallowed. This can be scary for IPs because a surrogate could, in theory, fight for custody of the child and it's likely Iowa would rule in favor of the SM. PBOs can be obtained, but only if the IPs are both biological parents, which means only one IF could be put on the birth certificate and even that isn't so simple. In Iowa, the law states that the husband of a mother is the father. That means that no matter who the sperm came from, if a woman is married, her husband is the father on the birth certificate. If we decided to deliver here, we would have to go through the process of getting a PBO and do a step-parent adoption. More time, more money, more complicated.

In an ideal world, a state that supports gay marriage would also support gay parenting but such does not seem to be the case.

At this point, we are still up in the air on where we will deliver. I have just begun reaching out to midwives with some of my questions and seeing whether they see me as a candidate for home birth. My IPs and I have touched on this just briefly, and while I certainly don't want to push them into something they aren't comfortable with, I also want to present my case since they did say it was something they'd be open to.

More recently, they did hint that they are more comfortable with a hospital birth so I have also been looking into the hospital facilities in my area. While there are no birth centers within 160 miles, a few of the hospitals have switched to the LDRP rooms equipped with a pull-out sofa, jacuzzi tub and large room to move about during labor. If a home birth is not an option, this would be the next best thing. But man-oh-man would I love to birth at home ::swoon::