Getting Started

Once I realized this was something I wanted to do, I dove into researching. I needed to learn everything possible and be prepared for any potential questions before making my case to the Hubby.

If I can be perfectly honest here, I have the best husband in the whole world and I knew before even talking to him that he would come around to supporting me regardless of what his initial reaction may be. But still, I wanted to be knowledgable so it didn't seem like this was "just another one of my crazy ideas".

I began by doing reading up on the process, looking into local agencies and reading online forums. I stumbled across a fan-freakin-tastic online community -- surromomsonline.com -- that has been invaluable to me as I wade deeper into this process.

It was through this community that I came to find several other surrogates in my local area. I even met with two of them in person at the farmer's market just days after joining the message board. They were very welcoming and open about their surrogate experiences, and allowed me to bombard them with my bazillion questions. If it weren't for SMO, I doubt I would have ever known these ladies existed. Thus far, they've provided invaluable information and support, and I have a feeling, they are going to become an intergral part of my journey. It is such a booster just knowing you aren't sailing into uncharted territory alone.

I spent counteless hours reading agency applications to get a feel for what kind of information they were looking for. I read classified ads of both IPs and surrogates to see what details people were interested in. I read other blogs looking for answers and clues as to whether I was the only person crazy enough to do this to fill a void in my own life (I'm not by-the-way).

Tidbit: My husband recently quit his job to return to college as a full-time student. We were prepared for the loss of income, but still on edge about how our buget would work out in practice. While money was certainly not a deciding factor in whether or not I would pursue surrogacy, it was not a detail that went unnoticed.

One night at dinner, I asked the Hubby what he would say if I had encountered an opportunity to earn more than 50% of his salary in 10 months with relatively little time commitment doing something that was legal in 47 states, including the one we reside in.

I prefaced my proposal with letting him know I didn't mind answering questions, but asking him to not respond immediately. I told him I didn't want a knee-jerk reaction and that I'd prefer he think about it overnight or even a couple of days.

When I told him, he didn't ask any questions. He promptly changed the subject and it didn't come up in conversation again that night. Or the next day. Or the day after that.

After about a week passed, I meekly asked him if he had thought about my idea at all. "No" was all I got. I bravely prodded, reconfirming whether he had any questions. He did, but just one. "Are you going to be OK?" I assured him I would and that I wouldn't put my family at risk, physically or emotionally, for my own fulfillment. We talked through how we would handle it and I promised to seek counseling if something felt amiss. By the time we were done talking he gave me his full support.

And that's when I hit the ground running.

I found the most important questions I need to answer with the Hubby were these:

1. Do I want to be a gestational surrogate or traditional? For us, it was a pretty simple one -- we chose GS.
2. Will we use an agency or go independent? I'm not sold one way or the other on this at this point but we have weighed the pros and cons. We're leaning more toward agency for our first journey.
3. Does the distance of the IPs matter? We both agreed that having IPs nearby would help reinforce their part in the journey and would make us both feel more comfortable. While they don't need to be in our town, we want them to be close enough to be able to come to appointments and share the pregnancy moments with us.
4. Is there anyone we wouldn't carry for? The only dealbreaker for me was to carry for a single father. Discriminatory? Maybe, but I wouldn't be comfortable.
5. Are there any circumstances where we would not be willing to terminate a pregnancy? The Hubby and I agree that, while there are very few instances where we would termintate a pregnancy of our own, we feel this decision is solely that of the IPs. We aren't going to be the ones living with a disabled or mentally challenged child, and it isn't our place to say they should have to. So long as they are making an informed decision, I trust them to do what is best for their family.

Of course there are more, but these were our starting points to get the wheels turning about the situations we might encounter. Next step, start applying.