Changing Sides

I originally set out to be a gestational surrogate, with no question in my mind that becoming a traditional surrogate was an option. It seemed like the no brainer choice since there wouldn't be any emotional complications with having a genetic child that I won't be raising and becuase I wouldn't have to worry about not ovulating without my bromocryptine for my prolactin.

Then I met them. And it made me reconsider. I have not matched yet, but I couldn't help but reply to their ad -- now after talking for some time, I really feel like this could be moving in a good direction. It was this interaction that got me thinking. For starters, biological or not, I'm always going to feel a connection to this baby. I don't need to be called mama or to have regular contact, but regardless of whether I donated the egg, I'm going to be concerned for his/her well being, want to know he/she is well-loved and have a place in my heart for the baby I carried for nine months.

I also tend to be somewhat of a naturalist, and TS doesn't require as much medical intervention. Since it's my egg, insems work on my body's schedule. It doesn't require injectibles and the pregnancies themselves typically require less monitoring. All of this is right up my alley and, in my mind, will help make this a positive experience for me.

That said, I have some specific conditions that have to be met for me to consider TS for a couple.* Primarily, I wouldn't be opposed to working with a hetero couple for a GS; however, I would prefer a male same-sex couple for a TS is because I feel the risk of evoking jealous or resenful feelings is greatly reduced. One issue I see over and over is that IMs of TS relationships (understandably!) have a tendancy to resent the surro or fear that the surro will have a closer relationship with her child. A lot of times that leads to the IPs deciding not to tell the child their origin and sometimes has a catastrophic outcome, which, I feel, can be very damaging to the child.

That's not to say that this is always the case, but I really hope my surrogacy can be a positive experience and I feel I need to protect myself in any way I can. With IFs, there obviously isn't any question that the baby had to come from someone else, and from what I've seen, IFs seem to be more accommodating to helping the TS adjust and let go. I'm not sure what to expect after the birth, and I don't want to pretend to know how I'm going to feel, but I do think knowing my IPs aren't going to run and never look back the day the baby is born for fear I will bond with him or her will be a huge help in coping with elevated hormones!

Again, I'm not making myself exclusive to one side or the other, simply expanding my options by coming to the realization that I may be open to traditional surrogacy if the conditions are right. It would certainly have to be one very special couple with whom I feel extremely compatable.


*This blog is meant to be a journal of my experience, so I would like to insert a disclaimer now: the thoughts and opinions expressed here are explicity my own. I do not mean to offend anyone, and I certainly do not speak for everyone in the surrogacy community, I purely strive to be open and honest as I pursue my journey.