The End

It ended before it began. I changed my mind about not wanting to work with them -- I decided that ultimately they were worth the wait whether or not our journey ever began. I couldn't imagine meeting another couple I felt so connected with and that is so much more important than a time line.

But they declined. They are taking a break from surrogacy and don't know when they might be ready to begin again. My heart hurts. It hurts for myself, but more so for R&I. I know this decision wasn't easy for them.


As for me, I'm not sure what's next. I suppose only time will tell.

If any good is to come of this, it's that I went into surrogacy planning to be flexible and thinking that the match was more important than the details. I'm coming away from this match realizing that the details are what make the match. When I am ready to start looking again, I will be firm about what I want and make my dealbreakers clear up front. I know now how important homebirth is to me, and I need to find someone who wants that too. I have feelings of anxiety, eagerness, excitement and dread all at once for what lies ahead.